Bo shrugged nonchalantly as Zero thudded down next to her, glad he was at least listening. “Which is why you get it all out now. So when she’s needin’ someone ta help her stand, yer strong enough ta do it.” Bo looked back at Zero, her eyes darting over his profile for a moment before nudging his shoulder with her own. “You watch, Hero. It’ll all work out. I mean - it doesn’t seem like it now. But it’s always darkest before tha dawn.” Bo nodded at her own words, glancing back down at the grass in front of them, her feet crossing over themselves. “She might even thank ya in tha end.”
Zero laughed a little when Bo called him Hero. “I can’t tell her yet, but I will tell her. I promise.” he told her, his voice shaking a little less now. He was calming down some now that he had atleast told someone instead of keeping it all to himself. “Thanks for listening, Bo. I know it’s hard to keep things like this to yourseld but I appreciate that you’re going to.”
“Hey, no,” Bo began after a brief moment. She remained on the ground, a hand reaching up to slide into Zero’s, tugging him back down. Any thoughts of personal space were gone - apparently Dodge was rubbing off more then he should.
“You come back down here, and you let churself cry. Get all the cryin’ out now so you can he strong fer Terk later. Lord knows yer gonna need all tha strength you can get when you tell her whatchu did.” Bo glanced up at Zero, shaking her head. “Hava shoulder ta cry on - I won’t tell nobody. Promise.”
Zero let himself be tugged back down to the ground. He didn’t fight it. “I shouldn’t be crying. I don’t do that. This isn’t even happening to me. This is about Terk. She’s the one with this sickness that could kill her. I’m just the boyfriend.” he said, shaking his head. “All I can do is be there for her until she gives me my marching orders once she finds out.”
“I know, Zero,” Bo replied, sliding down next to the boy. She placed her arms around him in an awkward sideways hug, a sigh sounding as her head fell down onto his.
“You’ll get thru this,” Bo murmured comfortingly, just wanting to make Zero feel secure. “It may not seem like it, but you will.” She stopped talking for a moment, letting the crickets and peepers make music around them.
It wasn’t until her felt Bo’s arm around him that Zero realised he was crying. Quickly, he jumped up, wiping at his eyes. “Fuck, sorry.” he said fast, trying the best he could to wipe away the wetness from his cheeks. “I uh, yeah, sorry.” he said, his voice panicked. Zero wasn’t usually one for breaking down in front of people. He felt stupid. “I don’t usually do this. You know. Just a one time thing.” he told her as he did all he could to dry his face, to get it to return to it’s normal colour. Zero kept the vulnerable side of him locked away when he was around people, it was what he was raised to do.
Bo simply sighed, all the air rushing out of her as her shoulders hunched forward in defeat. “Well I ain’t tellin’ her,” Bo replied softly, shaking her head as she continued to watch him. Because Zero was honestly doing this out of kindness - it wasn’t a selfish act on his part. He honestly wanted the best for Terk, even if it meant she continued without him.
“Well ain’t that real love,” Bo commented softly, swallowing the lump in her throat. She threw her hands up. “I don’t know what to do.” Bo shook her head. “You gonna tell her? When it’s done? Promise me you’ll at least do that - don’t let her keep goin’, thinkin’ that there might be a chance fer her ta have kids one day. That’s even crueler than signin’ the papers.”
Zero nodded. “I’m going to tell her. Just, not yet. Because she’ll stop it, and that can’t happen.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly. “I really love her, Bo. So much that it hurts. I have a physical ache in my chest thinking about her dying for something like giving me kids one day. I tried to reason with her, to talk her around but she just wasn’t having it. I had to step in before something bad happened. But, it’s been eating at me ever since. I can’t even look at her.” Zero found himself backing up against a tree and sliding down the trunk to the ground. He lowered his head into his hands. “I’m a bad person, Bo. But, all I wanted to do was save her life.”
“But that’s not you decision ta make, Zer.” Bo tugged the boy to a stop, both of her hands rising to grip him by his upper arms. She shook her head, unsure of how to word things. Her lip weaseled its way between her teeth, watching the boy cry.
“The one thing we have power over is our own bodies - ya can’t take that away from Terk.” Bo sighed. “If this does go thru, yer gonna loose her anyway. She ain’t gonna forgive you when she finds out what ya did. She just found things out - after a few hours, she probably would have signed tha papers herself. But you had no right doin’ that Zero.” Bo sighed, starting to wonder if her words fell on deaf ears.
“I know, I know it’s not. And I feel awful, terrible. I know I shouldn’t have done it. But, I’d rather have her live out a full life without me, one where she can climb all the trees she wants, fall in love and get her happy ending than watch her die trying to make me happy.” He let out a sigh as tears continued to roll down his cheeks. “I know what I did was wrong, Bo. But, I love her too fucking much to watch her throw her life away like that.”
Bo shook her head, looking up ay Zero. “But -” Bo started, her voice sticking in her throat again. “Why did you -” Bo began, cutting herself off, glancing back down at the grass. “You gotta tell her, Zero. She’s gonna find out. Not right away, but inna few years. When ya guys try ta have kids. They’ll tell her then. And she’s gonna be so hurt -” Bo stopped again, a hand squeezing Zero’s arm.
“All of this is - horrible,” Bo finally concluded, feeling very inadequate all of a sudden.
Another tear spilled down his cheek. “I had to do it. I have to save her because she wouldn’t save herself.” he choked out. Then he shook his head. “I can’t tell her, because then she’ll go and change it, she’ll keep her ovaries and her tumors all so she can give me a family. But, if that means losing her then I don’t want it, any of it.”
Nothing could have prepared Bo.for that. Absolutely nothing. From the cancer admission to the surgery to forging signatures - Bo could only blink.
“Well. Shit,” Bo finally breathed out, dumbfounded. The boy had several good reasons to be in the state he was.
“I -” Bo began, for the first time in her life completely speechless. “What are you gonna do?” Bo finally got out, not quite sure what she was asking about. But it was the only thing she could say.
Zero nodded. “Yeah, shit.” It was all he could say. He could really believe he had just told Bo all of that. “I’m sorry. I just had to tell someone. When she finds out, she’s going to hate me.” he said, one tear escaping and rolling quickly down his cheek. “But, she’s all I have.” he said sadly. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s not much I can do. It’s all up to her now.”
Bo’s eyes widened as Zero tugged her to a stop. She didn’t even know where to begin with any of that. Telling him he was wrong would probably blow up in her face - telling him that it couldn’t be that bad would do the same. There were some heavy words that tumbled out of Zero’s mouth. So Bo went with what was safest - a shrug. “Start from the beginnin’,” Bo simply stated, hoping Zero would understand what she was saying.
Taking a deep breath, Zero began. “So, the other day, Terk’s period was late. We knew it couldn’t be because she was pregnant because we are so careful that it’s almost ridiculous. So, we started to worry. We went to the doctors and they did some tests and stuff to try and figure it out. Then earlier we went back to get the results.” Zero stopped to take a breath. “She has tumors on her ovaries. Bad ones and they could spread.” he said, his voice shaking. “The doctor gave her two options, they could remove what they could of the tumors but they wouldn’t be able to get all of them and having kids in the future could kill her, or they could take out her ovaries. But, she said that one day she wanted to give me a family, so she was going to take the risk and keep them. She signed the papers and then left the room, so. So when she was gone, I forged her signature on the papers so that they would just remove her ovaries. She doesn’t know, and she’s going to be so mad. But, I can’t lose her, Bo. I can’t. And not because she wanted to give me kids someday. I just couldn’t let her do it.” he said, finally stopping. There were tears in his eyes, and he knew it wouldn’t be long until they spilled down onto his cheeks.
Bo frowned, but nodded at Zero’s statement. The quiet that Zero was trying to banish settled around the two, and Bo cleared her voice. “Why don’t we like the quiet, then? Besides it makin’ it easier to think.” Bo’s eye swung towards Zero, her head following lazily as she tightened her grip on his arm. The silence began to settle around them again, and Bo began to hum in a feeble attempt to keep it away.
Zero sighed and stopped walking. Shaking his head he spoke, “I don’t want to think, Bo. Because everything is shit. And I did something bad, and Terk is going to kill me when she finds out. But, I had to do it. I had to. Because she could die otherwise. And I just can’t lose anyone else.” His words were rushed, full of desperation and sadness.
It’s hard ta get sleep ‘round here.
The statement rumbled through Bo’s mind as she stepped off the stone stairs, grass crunched under her feet as she started towards the forest. A shock of chilly wind caused a shiver to rocked through the tall girl, and she promptly tugged her cardigan closer to her body. Eyes scanned over the horizon for a figure, a soft sigh uttered into the night.
Finally spotting him, Bo’s pace picked, hustling towards the boy. “Hey Hero,” Bo called out in greeting, giving him a gentle smile. Bo wasn’t quite sure why she felt so protective of this man - wanted him to just be happy. But she wasn’t one to question it. She just went with her gut feeling that one of the last people on earth who deserved heart ache was Zero, so she tried to soften the blows for him. Falling in step next to Zero, Bo slipped her arm into his. “So. Why are we pacin’?”
Zero had made it back to Walt okay. He’d managed to keep it together. But, as soon as he had found himself alone, he lost it completely. He shook violently and just couldn’t sit still. Hoping the night air would help, he had gone outside for a walk. But, it had been no use. It just cleared his mind for more thinking.
When he heard Bo’s voice, he stood still for a moment and just looked at her before he carried on moving. He didn’t want to be still. “We’re pacing because being still is not an option. It’s too quiet. And I can’t have quiet.”
